If It Works, Why Not?

Today I was caught by surprise. My phone rang and the caller ID showed my old office number. At first I thought it may had been one of my friends calling to catch up while on break but I was caught off guard when I heard my old boss's voice. They wanted me back. I left the office torn. I loved my job and I honestly felt I was good at it. I loved working with the people I worked with and I have to say that I hold the company and it's motto to the highest regards as they actually do put their clients best interest first and I have seen those amazing morals at work. I had wonderful benefits and very decent pay. The bureaucracy of compliance and new business processing/operations was actually interesting and enjoyable. I like to cross my T's and dot my I's. I felt I had a voice and my opinions taken into consideration whenever needed. I was on a team. But I got pregnant with my youngest and from there things changed very suddenly for me when she was due. My middle child is ...

I started this post a couple of weeks ago so please dismiss the off time line: This morning started out rough. I woke up using what seemed like all the energy I had after a night of tossing and turning, just to pull myself out of bed. My body ached as if I was fighting off some sort of cold with no symptoms other than fatigue. I woke up Paxston and Mikey while Mike continued sleeping and grabbed clothes for them to wear to school and rushed downstiars to start making breakfast and packing Paxston's lunch before the preschoolers started arriving. Yesterday was Paxston's birthday. I cannot believe she is already 6 years old. After my preschoolers were picked up yesterday we went out to eat at Panda Express- not the fanciest but she has been begging to go there for a while and asked if we could go for her birthday so we figured we could splurge as long as we didn't go nuts on what we ordered. We split an orange chicken and fried rice bowl and a couple of sides of chow mein...

I am working 12 1/2 hours days and 12 days straight before I get a weekend to myself. I am exhausted. Yesterday I felt as though I needed a tape recorder with the things I say on it so I didn't have to keep repeating myself. "Keep your hands to yourself" "Are you hurt? Is someone else so hurt they can't tell me? Or is someone in immediate danger?- Then I dont want to hear you tattle taling" "We go down the slides feet first" and "time to pick up, please pick up" I don't know if the kids were just in sugar overload from Halloween and trick-o-treating Monday night or what but I put kids in time out yesterday a good 7 times before 1 p.m. Usually they are not like this. Of course I have my problem child and I know kids have their moments but seriously? I mean come on! This is ridiculous..... Luckily half of them passed out for quiet rest time and the other half quietly watched Willy Wonka (which I told the kids to pay attention to how th...

So I know that I am not an actual expert but I am a normal person with less than perfect financial experience. I just finished reading yet another article hoping to hear some new tips on how to save more and delete debt and again it gave the same over used tip of not buying your lunch and skipping the latte in the mornings. And then I continue to read snotty comments about how people who are having a hard time are having them because they are living beyond their means- this I do not exactly agree with as even though there are people who are just living beyond their means, not all of those who find themselves coming up short financially between each paycheck have control over that. The economy tanked a few years ago and the recovery has been a dismal one at best. Many people lost their jobs and when loosing a job, you cannot just drop all of your expenses. If you were comfortably able to pay a car payment and you loose your job, you may not be able to sell your car due to negative equit...

My son, depsite the many obstacles he faces on a daily basis and the little things that stress him out, has an amazing sense of humor. A while back when the potty training started (about a year ago) my son learned that he was different than his sister down there because he walked in on her going potty. He asked me why she didn't have a "wee wee" so I simply said "because girls and boys are differnt down there. Boys have 'wee wees' and girls have 'gee gees'". And he was satisfied with that answer (you don't need too much of an explanation beyond that when dealing with a 2 1/2 year old). The other day, while playing Mario with my husband, my son says to him as if doing smack talk like some people do while playing games/sports, and says "You're a geegee!" Mikey's HAB/respite provider was here and we had to cover our faces to keep him from seeing us laugh so we didn't encourage him. It was hilarious and we had never h...

Things have been super busy. With my preschoolers, I am working about 12 (or more) hours a day since the I offer preschool but with childcare hours. And I am working 12 days straight before I get a weekend without anyone else's kids at my house. Every other weekend I babysit. Its exhausting! But I am getting to be here for my own kids this way. I see them off to school and am here to greet them when they get home. I can be here for all of my son's therapies and I am getting to watch my youngest daughter grow without feeling like I am missing out like when I worked out of the home with my older two kids. I am adjusting to getting up earlier as the first 2 kids are dropped off at about 6:30 a.m. and the last kids are picked up between 6:30-6:45 p.m. so come bed time for my kids (8:30) I am heading to bed very shortly after I tuck them in. The other night I literally fell asleep eating my sandwich at dinner, it was a late dinner though as I had to run errunds after the preschool...

So things have been there usual up and down... Sometimes it feels like you can never get ahead as to no matter how hard you work, no matter how hard you try to always do the right thing, there is something that always pops up and punches you back down on your ass. My preschool is going well. I have room for one more on Wednesdays and Thursdays only but that's not too big of a deal as one of my part timers my be taking at least one of those days. I think we have finally found the perfect mesh of kids & parents. I recently had to talk with one mom about how I didn't think her daughter was quite ready for preschool yet. I think I need to update my ad because I don't think its clear enough that I am providing preschool but instead of a half day/few hour schedule, its for full childcare type hours and that's not just childcare, its preschool. I know when I was working out of the home, it was a huge relief that my mother-in-law was able to take my daughter to her half ...

So my hubby has been out of town for over the last week and he won't be back for almost another week. I am going insane. I don't think he realizes how much we appreciate everything he does and that we do know how hard he works and all the things he does for us. It becomes apparent especially when he leaves. But I want to have the house just as clean and kept up when he gets home as it is when he is here but I am finding it very difficult to keep up with everything as well as it is when he is here. My husband pampers me. He cleans the house, does yard work, does the check book, cooks, tends to the kids, fixes the car, does the dishes, the laundry, etc... But I also miss him. I am missing how he makes me laugh, makes me feel better when I am stressed, plays with the kids... My insomnia has been horrible with him gone. There are nights that I end up fussing at him to rollover because his snoring keeps me up, but when he is gone, the silence is maddening. I want the snoring ba...

So things have been falling perfectly into place with my in-home preschool/childcare. My slots are filled, the parents are nice and all the kids get along wonderfully. My oldest started kindergarten last week. I cannot get over how quickly this time has come. I still remeber when she was a tiny baby and now she is almost to big for me to carry up to bed. She even lost her first tooth last Thursday and already has 2 more that are loose. But she likes her teacher and is already making friends. She came home raving about her new friends and how her favorite thing about school was playing in the play kitchen. She told me about how her new friend had glasses, wore a pink shirt too, had the same type Hello-Kitty lunch box but with a different color bow and was allergic to apple juice; but she couldn't remember her name- haha- the things kids remember! My son also started back to his preschool last week too. Just in time to update his IEP at the beginning of September. He has had h...

Things have been going ...well.... good and bad I guess. Two of the kids in my preschool are moving in a couple of weeks leaving me with some openings. But I have already been in contact with a mom who asked that I let her know if I had openings and I already met with another mom yesterday about her daughter too. So I may have the slots filled before they move, which is a good thing! Today I took the kids to the store and let my daughter pick out her first school backpack. She got a cute pink Hello Kitty one with stars and little lightning bolts and hearts on it. It matches her Hello Kitty lunch box perfectly that she picked out a couple of years ago (we bought it and put it away for her since it was on clearance for only a couple of bucks). Afterwards we picked up her friend to join us at the local splashpad.... We weren't even there 20 minutes and the heat got to me horribly!!! I felt so sick despite drinking my ice water and sitting in the shade. The heat just messes ...

So things have been up and down lately. First off, my income has been falling about $200 short each week as I have open slots until August which is causing me to drain my savings that I was going to put towards getting the backyard done (we need grass as its just dirt right now). I also am starting to become a little frustrated with one family that I provide care for too. I have been willing to work with them and have waived late fees for them paying a couple of days late so they can wait to receive their pay check and they have had a bug going through their household but they are almost a week late paying me and they have more than once no called-no showed on me and I don't hear anything until hours after I leave them a message. I haven't watched their child this week because he's been sick and they said they're taking him to the doctor today. Is it too much to send even a text saying that you are not bringing your child today? I think I am just going to have to insist...

Things have been busy for the last few weeks. I hosted mom's night and I was happy about it and disappointed at the same time. I was disappointed that the headcount was so low and I kind of worry that it was boring for the mom's who did show. The massages though were awesome and the moms who did come, I was glad it was them who did. I was also able to get my friend's son to fall asleep in my arms (which I was surprised by since he doesn't usually fall asleep anywhere but home) while his mom was able to get some me time and enjoy her massage. I would like to host another and I will just cross my fingers that more mom's show next time but if not oh well at least I got to have a night with good friends. My in home daycare/preschool has been going well so far. I have room for drop-ins until August but then I am booked solid- Yay! We just had "Color Week" and each child wore a certain color each day or brought a toy of that color and we did differen...

So I have been trying to adjust to staying home and so far so good. I have been worried about getting "cabin fever" especially since I have always worked outside of the home and am naturally one of those people who is always on the go but with the kids I am staying BUSY! And so I do not go crazy without adult interaction I have made a point to try and attend every mom's night I can - You can only go so long without going nuts when you only talk to preschoolers all day... I am even hosting a "mom's night" at my house in just over a week too! I am excited and hope that I have a descent turn out. My friend who is a masseuse is going to be giving discounted professional back massages too- I am definitely looking forward to that- I can use a massage! I have also been worried about income too. I have always brought home a paycheck and with me not going to work we are loosing half of our income. We have been working towards getting things paid off but still have a ...

I was reading the blog of a dear friend of mine and in it she was discussing the anxieties and worries a parent has of their child growing up and finding love especially when that child has thier own "scars", whether it be a literal scar, a health concern or even emotional scarring.... And I caught myself as I read her posting, thinking about my own "scars" and how that has effected my own life and my own relationships and I began to run my own fears through my head for my own children- are you ever inspired to write about something after reading something by someone else?.... (so this is my fears).... My daughter is loving and outgoing. My husband and I tease that she will be the next big diva as she gets older as anytime the radio is on she is singing and dancing along (and she does know most of the lyrics). But at the same time, my daughter is not like most girls her age. Yes, she loves playing dress up and with her princess and fairy dolls, but she would rather ...

So tomorrow is Monday and I am dreading it. Tomorrow is when I make it official that my life is going to change in a huge way and its changing to a life full of uncertainties... Tomorrow is the day that I turn in my notice.... This is one of the scariest things I have ever done. For as long as I have been able, I have worked. Before working for an actual paycheck I babysat and as soon as I turned 16 I was working an earning my own money, sometimes even working more than one job at a time. Only one time I can recall that I didn't work was when I was put on bed rest with my oldest daughter, but even then I knew it was just until she was born. My husband and I started dating when I was 18 and we moved in together when I was 19 and I brought half of the income home even then. Now everything has changed and I am quite honestly, TERRIFIED! The financial and emotional uncertainties that lay ahead in the unknown make me want to ball up and cry in fear at times, yet I still have a feeling o...

It's been a while again since my last post but I feel that the delay is more than reasonable- I had a baby! Yep, my little baby girl has kept me a bit busy but that's okay... She is awesome. So here is what's been going on so far: After less than 10 hours of labor and only 3 pushes our daughter was born without any complications. I was exhausted and ready to kill my doctor, but that was all shadowed by the joy of finally meeting my baby. My husband was so happy and moved that I saw a couple of tears. He now has a second "daddy's girl" to spoil. My daughter is excited about being a big sister once again and has started playing the "little mommy" role, constantly asking to hold her new little sister. My son is also excited about being a big brother and completely adores his new little sister giving her kisses and telling her that he loves her and is the first one to run to her with a bottle or binkie if she cries. My husband had some time off sa...

So this past week and half has been a bit chaotic to say the least. The family reunion went well. The turn out was a bit smaller, 40-50 people, when usually there can be 70-100. But it was still nice. We had dinner Friday and I met my husband and the kids there as soon as I was off work. Saturday we took all of the kids to the zoo so they could all play together. We rode the train around to cut down on walking and packed sandwiches and snacks to save food. My feet started to swell but I had to pick my husband up from work anyways so it gave me a good excuse to leave. After picking up my husband we headed back to my in-laws and he got in the pool with the kids while I let my feet dangle in. Afterwards he and I changed into less casual clothes and left to join my office at a comedy show at the Improv and to go out to dinner afterwards while my mother-in-law kept the kids for us. The show was awesome and the comedians were hilarious. By the time it was over it was 9 p.m. so we headed stra...