Thrown through a Loop
Today I was caught by surprise. My phone rang and the caller ID showed my old office number. At first I thought it may had been one of my friends calling to catch up while on break but I was caught off guard when I heard my old boss's voice.
They wanted me back.
I left the office torn. I loved my job and I honestly felt I was good at it. I loved working with the people I worked with and I have to say that I hold the company and it's motto to the highest regards as they actually do put their clients best interest first and I have seen those amazing morals at work. I had wonderful benefits and very decent pay. The bureaucracy of compliance and new business processing/operations was actually interesting and enjoyable. I like to cross my T's and dot my I's. I felt I had a voice and my opinions taken into consideration whenever needed. I was on a team.
But I got pregnant with my youngest and from there things changed very suddenly for me when she was due. My middle child is high functioning Autism. We have gone through many sitters because either they could not handle it or they were not helping the situation- we had one literally leave him in time out for hours because she wasn't patient enough to figure out what he was trying to tell her (and this was before he began his speech therapy and was practically nonverbal). We had found one that worked but she quit doing in home childcare at the end of the school year (when I was due with my youngest). So we were once again out of a sitter. Plus we had a super tight budget and could not find a sitter that could accommodate our needs and do so with what we could pay. We were stuck. To top off the whole mess my oldest was starting school and would need someone to see her to and from school, my son's therapies were just increased to 5 days a week and his special ed preschool increased to 4 days a week from 3... throw a new born in the mix and there I was.....
So my husband and I weighed different situations out and compared different ideas of how to make things work and still be able to pay the mortgage. The only thing that made any sense and could actually have a chance of working was for me to stay home and do in-home childcare/preschool to supplement my income. There was no way around it.
So I left the office and changed careers. I took the risk of starting my own business and being my own boss. The first couple of months were rough as it was summer and not many parents needed childcare as they already had set something set up before the summer break started so finding children to fill my slots was difficult. I was scared to death. This wasn't the type of situation where I had been saving up to one day be my own boss and run my own business. I had hoped to stay with a company until I retired and then live off of savings and retirement. Instead I was being forced to start things up with no money for start up costs or to even have to cushion me until things were profitable. I was giving up a salary with a family to house & feed, for the unknown.
The hours do get to me at times. I am literally working 12 1/2 hour days 5 days a week. I have children here earlier than I used to leave to sit in rush hour for a hour each morning and kids still here for 30-45 minutes after I used to get home after sitting 1-1 1/2 hours in rush hour driving home. So even with the commute I would still have shorter days.
The pay would be salary with PTO so I wouldn't have to worry about loosing a day's pay if I got sick or had to take off because I had to go to the dentist or something.
But there isn't enough pay to cover the childcare needs. I would need practically twice as much to find someone who could accommodate what we needed and be able to handle a special needs child on top of a baby. And there is no one I already know that I trust enough to be able to handle it that isn't already too tied up with working themselves or their own children to take on my 3 plus therapies and different school schedules.
So after going over everything, despite how much I would love to be able to work somewhere outside of home especially back at my old office, It's just not doable at this time.
One day when my children are older, I just hope that they come to understand the work and sacrifice their mother gave of herself to take care of them.
They wanted me back.
I left the office torn. I loved my job and I honestly felt I was good at it. I loved working with the people I worked with and I have to say that I hold the company and it's motto to the highest regards as they actually do put their clients best interest first and I have seen those amazing morals at work. I had wonderful benefits and very decent pay. The bureaucracy of compliance and new business processing/operations was actually interesting and enjoyable. I like to cross my T's and dot my I's. I felt I had a voice and my opinions taken into consideration whenever needed. I was on a team.
But I got pregnant with my youngest and from there things changed very suddenly for me when she was due. My middle child is high functioning Autism. We have gone through many sitters because either they could not handle it or they were not helping the situation- we had one literally leave him in time out for hours because she wasn't patient enough to figure out what he was trying to tell her (and this was before he began his speech therapy and was practically nonverbal). We had found one that worked but she quit doing in home childcare at the end of the school year (when I was due with my youngest). So we were once again out of a sitter. Plus we had a super tight budget and could not find a sitter that could accommodate our needs and do so with what we could pay. We were stuck. To top off the whole mess my oldest was starting school and would need someone to see her to and from school, my son's therapies were just increased to 5 days a week and his special ed preschool increased to 4 days a week from 3... throw a new born in the mix and there I was.....
So my husband and I weighed different situations out and compared different ideas of how to make things work and still be able to pay the mortgage. The only thing that made any sense and could actually have a chance of working was for me to stay home and do in-home childcare/preschool to supplement my income. There was no way around it.
So I left the office and changed careers. I took the risk of starting my own business and being my own boss. The first couple of months were rough as it was summer and not many parents needed childcare as they already had set something set up before the summer break started so finding children to fill my slots was difficult. I was scared to death. This wasn't the type of situation where I had been saving up to one day be my own boss and run my own business. I had hoped to stay with a company until I retired and then live off of savings and retirement. Instead I was being forced to start things up with no money for start up costs or to even have to cushion me until things were profitable. I was giving up a salary with a family to house & feed, for the unknown.
The hours do get to me at times. I am literally working 12 1/2 hour days 5 days a week. I have children here earlier than I used to leave to sit in rush hour for a hour each morning and kids still here for 30-45 minutes after I used to get home after sitting 1-1 1/2 hours in rush hour driving home. So even with the commute I would still have shorter days.
The pay would be salary with PTO so I wouldn't have to worry about loosing a day's pay if I got sick or had to take off because I had to go to the dentist or something.
But there isn't enough pay to cover the childcare needs. I would need practically twice as much to find someone who could accommodate what we needed and be able to handle a special needs child on top of a baby. And there is no one I already know that I trust enough to be able to handle it that isn't already too tied up with working themselves or their own children to take on my 3 plus therapies and different school schedules.
So after going over everything, despite how much I would love to be able to work somewhere outside of home especially back at my old office, It's just not doable at this time.
One day when my children are older, I just hope that they come to understand the work and sacrifice their mother gave of herself to take care of them.
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