Things are not going to be the same....
So tomorrow is Monday and I am dreading it. Tomorrow is when I make it official that my life is going to change in a huge way and its changing to a life full of uncertainties...
Tomorrow is the day that I turn in my notice.... This is one of the scariest things I have ever done. For as long as I have been able, I have worked. Before working for an actual paycheck I babysat and as soon as I turned 16 I was working an earning my own money, sometimes even working more than one job at a time. Only one time I can recall that I didn't work was when I was put on bed rest with my oldest daughter, but even then I knew it was just until she was born. My husband and I started dating when I was 18 and we moved in together when I was 19 and I brought half of the income home even then. Now everything has changed and I am quite honestly, TERRIFIED! The financial and emotional uncertainties that lay ahead in the unknown make me want to ball up and cry in fear at times, yet I still have a feeling of excitement as a new chapter opens up in my life. It at times feels very much like when I moved to Arizona 10 years ago. I was born and raised in Florida and I had a large very close knit family and my friends, some of which I had baby pictures of us together in diapers, that I was leaving behind as I moved across the country to a place where I knew no one and to a 16 year old starting her junior year of high school, that's terrifying.
But now my reasons for change are much different. My husband and I now have a family of our own with 3 beautiful children and I have a stepson too. We have our own house with mortgage payments and cars we still owe on. The utilities and groceries to pay for and now some deductible bills too from giving birth to our youngest daughter last month. Things are tight but our bills are paid each month and we still manage to stash some towards savings, even if its only a few dollars one month.
But our childcare situation has changed and we can no longer afford a sitter. We were fortunate to have my mother-in-law watch our children for us while we were at work until we moved into the new house a year and half ago, and we were fortunate to find a sitter who was willing to barter part of the expense of childcare but now things have gotten much more complicated. My husband used to be able to set his work schedule around our son's therapy sessions and special preschool hours, but it caused a huge strain on him being able to be scheduled enough hours each week, causing us to loose income. Now our son has had his therapies increased to where he is doing something 5 days a week that requires someone to be with him. Mondays- Hab and preschool, Tuesdays- Speech Therapy and preschool, Wednesdays- Hab, Thursdays- Preschool, Fridays- Hab and Occupational Therapy. And with the progress he has made over the last year, there is NO way I am taking him out of his therapy. My daughter will also be starting school this fall and will require someone to see her off and be able to meet her from the bus stop every day. All of this plus a newborn makes it to where I would have to basically have a live-in nanny, which is something I cannot afford. I had a couple of people at the office mention having an Au Pair come stay with us as a nanny but not only do they require you to cover living expenses they usually need about $200 a week- which is more than I was paying every 2 weeks with the old sitter. And then I had someone callously suggest a live-out nanny and said that theirs was only $40,000.00 a year.... That's more than I make a year!! So we are out of a sitter and cannot afford childcare anymore... So after much discussion, my husband and I decided that I would stay home and do childcare. I had been doing childcare in the evenings and on weekends before I had my youngest daughter, now I will just have to do it full time to supplement income. This way I can be home to tend to the baby, be here for my son's therapies and see him off to his preschool and I can see my daughter off to school and greet her when she gets home.
The whole idea of not having a steady income is terrifying to me- What if I don't have enough kids to watch or a parent stiffs me or...? How will we pay our bills then? My husband is currently looking for a second job to do part-time a couple of days a week. I know we have had some hard times in the past with finances being super tight but it was always because something uncontrollable popped up throwing a wrench in things but this time we are voluntarily putting ourselves in a position of unknown.
Emotionally too I am concerned. I have always been a person who stays on my toes you could say. On my days off work I would to the kids and run errands, go to the zoo or park or go walk the mall with friends or something.... Being home bound and with kids all day- I am scared it may take a toll on me and I will be eaten up with cabin fever. I also am nervous about taking on the role as more of the lead parent too. My husband has been the one who has been home more with the kids and has been the one who was coordinating and dealing with my son's therapies as I was always at work. Now I will be the one handling it all. And I also worry my husband might build resentment that I am the one staying home instead of him. But with me having commute a hour and half each way, the better benefits we get through his employer and the fact that I already have some connections with getting children to watch full time from the kids I already babysit now and the mom's group I participate in, and the fact this will free up my husband's work schedule and no longer hinder him from promotions, it just made the most sense for me to be the one to stay home.
So tomorrow is the day that I embrace the unknown and take on a new chapter of my life full of uncertainty- I want to ball up and cry in fear and at the same time rejoice that I now control what I do....
Tomorrow is the day that I turn in my notice.... This is one of the scariest things I have ever done. For as long as I have been able, I have worked. Before working for an actual paycheck I babysat and as soon as I turned 16 I was working an earning my own money, sometimes even working more than one job at a time. Only one time I can recall that I didn't work was when I was put on bed rest with my oldest daughter, but even then I knew it was just until she was born. My husband and I started dating when I was 18 and we moved in together when I was 19 and I brought half of the income home even then. Now everything has changed and I am quite honestly, TERRIFIED! The financial and emotional uncertainties that lay ahead in the unknown make me want to ball up and cry in fear at times, yet I still have a feeling of excitement as a new chapter opens up in my life. It at times feels very much like when I moved to Arizona 10 years ago. I was born and raised in Florida and I had a large very close knit family and my friends, some of which I had baby pictures of us together in diapers, that I was leaving behind as I moved across the country to a place where I knew no one and to a 16 year old starting her junior year of high school, that's terrifying.
But now my reasons for change are much different. My husband and I now have a family of our own with 3 beautiful children and I have a stepson too. We have our own house with mortgage payments and cars we still owe on. The utilities and groceries to pay for and now some deductible bills too from giving birth to our youngest daughter last month. Things are tight but our bills are paid each month and we still manage to stash some towards savings, even if its only a few dollars one month.
But our childcare situation has changed and we can no longer afford a sitter. We were fortunate to have my mother-in-law watch our children for us while we were at work until we moved into the new house a year and half ago, and we were fortunate to find a sitter who was willing to barter part of the expense of childcare but now things have gotten much more complicated. My husband used to be able to set his work schedule around our son's therapy sessions and special preschool hours, but it caused a huge strain on him being able to be scheduled enough hours each week, causing us to loose income. Now our son has had his therapies increased to where he is doing something 5 days a week that requires someone to be with him. Mondays- Hab and preschool, Tuesdays- Speech Therapy and preschool, Wednesdays- Hab, Thursdays- Preschool, Fridays- Hab and Occupational Therapy. And with the progress he has made over the last year, there is NO way I am taking him out of his therapy. My daughter will also be starting school this fall and will require someone to see her off and be able to meet her from the bus stop every day. All of this plus a newborn makes it to where I would have to basically have a live-in nanny, which is something I cannot afford. I had a couple of people at the office mention having an Au Pair come stay with us as a nanny but not only do they require you to cover living expenses they usually need about $200 a week- which is more than I was paying every 2 weeks with the old sitter. And then I had someone callously suggest a live-out nanny and said that theirs was only $40,000.00 a year.... That's more than I make a year!! So we are out of a sitter and cannot afford childcare anymore... So after much discussion, my husband and I decided that I would stay home and do childcare. I had been doing childcare in the evenings and on weekends before I had my youngest daughter, now I will just have to do it full time to supplement income. This way I can be home to tend to the baby, be here for my son's therapies and see him off to his preschool and I can see my daughter off to school and greet her when she gets home.
The whole idea of not having a steady income is terrifying to me- What if I don't have enough kids to watch or a parent stiffs me or...? How will we pay our bills then? My husband is currently looking for a second job to do part-time a couple of days a week. I know we have had some hard times in the past with finances being super tight but it was always because something uncontrollable popped up throwing a wrench in things but this time we are voluntarily putting ourselves in a position of unknown.
Emotionally too I am concerned. I have always been a person who stays on my toes you could say. On my days off work I would to the kids and run errands, go to the zoo or park or go walk the mall with friends or something.... Being home bound and with kids all day- I am scared it may take a toll on me and I will be eaten up with cabin fever. I also am nervous about taking on the role as more of the lead parent too. My husband has been the one who has been home more with the kids and has been the one who was coordinating and dealing with my son's therapies as I was always at work. Now I will be the one handling it all. And I also worry my husband might build resentment that I am the one staying home instead of him. But with me having commute a hour and half each way, the better benefits we get through his employer and the fact that I already have some connections with getting children to watch full time from the kids I already babysit now and the mom's group I participate in, and the fact this will free up my husband's work schedule and no longer hinder him from promotions, it just made the most sense for me to be the one to stay home.
So tomorrow is the day that I embrace the unknown and take on a new chapter of my life full of uncertainty- I want to ball up and cry in fear and at the same time rejoice that I now control what I do....
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