Somethings Gotta Give
If no one has noticed with my last few posts- I am totally not happy, depressed, overwhelmed and feeling really unappreciated... And I hate feeling this way. I have always struggled with an anxiety disorder and trying to look to the positive side of things has always been a helpful tool in keeping me going. And I know there are others out there who have things way worse but I cannot help but feel negative right now...
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my son's school where he attends a special ed preschool and we are going to be reviewing "how well he is doing and how well he is achieving his goals" and his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) - to the parents who do not have child with special needs, yes this is a good thing BUT this is also a bad thing and currently it is more bad than good. This means that I am likely going to be walking into this meeting with a group of people who's initiative appears to be removing my son from the preschool program and are "not transitioning him into kindergarten" yet. Why is this bad you might ask? Because my son EXCELS in a classroom. He excels with the structured environment and the academics- these are his strongest points. He struggles though with lack of routine, unstructured activities, social interactions/skills, etc... And when he is removed from his normal routine, for example just taking off for a school break, all of the skills he has worked on with unstructured activities, social interactions, anxieties, etc.. he regresses on and IEP's don't care about that, they only care about the academic side of things. If they decide he needs to be cut at the end of the year and not transitioning him to kindergarten, the last 2 years of him being in their program are being flushed down the toilet as his birthday is in Sept. meaning he will have to wait another year before he can start, leaving him an entire school year un-enrolled.
I am stressing this meeting like crazy. I am not going unarmed though. I have reports, data sheets, etc... showing how he regresses in all of his therapies when he is not in attendance and I even have one of his therapists going with me to back me but I have heard that these meetings can be ruthless and emotional and often people can end up screaming or crying or going into "bitch-mode". I plan to do the latter and fight teeth and nail for my son and what he needs.
My problem right now is that my husband doesn't seem to care and says what happens happens, "so what if he is off a year from school"... He doesn't seem to grasp how detrimental this could be... Don't take it as he doesn't care about what happens to our son, as many parents know, you often feel helpless and angry and... and you at times just want to throw the towel in and say why bother as you often feel that everything you have done to help your child is pointless because you get pushed back so many times over and over again... And I think that was just how my husband was feeling but we argued about it as he was upset with me for stressing out about the meeting and I said - who knows if he will ever get to take regular classes? If he will get to drive a car? Have a real relationship/get married? Have a job? Or live on his own? We don't know.... And he agreed and tried turning my logic back at me and said who knows and then he got frustrated and said that when he was 18 he was gone even if it meant him living in a home... I snapped!! How fucking dare he say that about our son! I knew it was out of frustration and sadness as you can see it in his face any time he tries to talk to Mikey about video games as that is one things the 2 of them have in common, a love of video games, and Mikey doesn't respond or stares off blankly into his own universe... But I snapped back and said "yes, who knows? That is exactly why I am going to do everything I can now to give him the absolute best chance of having a normal life later" and then I went upstairs and tucked in the kids...
I felt so hurt and so alone. He was supposed to be my backup and supporter in life and here he has given up and turned his back on us....
Here lately its like we are constantly arguing with one another over everything from the kids, to money, to chores... Our anniversary is coming up too in less than a week and the best idea he has come up with is to drive to Cali so he can one of his arcade games while we are there- very romantic! (sarcasm)... Honestly I don't really care right now that its our anniversary as I don't feel like it is that special to him with how he seems to constantly bitch at me about everything.... I thought after our last big fight he would be less like this but apparently things are back to normal and I just can't take it anymore.... I love him and like being with him when he isn't in his moods but lately he seems to be in his moods all the time and I am just done with it... I have brought up doing couples counseling but he refuses saying they they don't help and our problem is communication issues- hello! that is what counseling is for!
I don't know what to do anymore... Maybe I am just emotional due to the pregnancy hormones and its making me more sensitive than normal... Even so, somethings gotta give...
Tomorrow I have a meeting with my son's school where he attends a special ed preschool and we are going to be reviewing "how well he is doing and how well he is achieving his goals" and his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) - to the parents who do not have child with special needs, yes this is a good thing BUT this is also a bad thing and currently it is more bad than good. This means that I am likely going to be walking into this meeting with a group of people who's initiative appears to be removing my son from the preschool program and are "not transitioning him into kindergarten" yet. Why is this bad you might ask? Because my son EXCELS in a classroom. He excels with the structured environment and the academics- these are his strongest points. He struggles though with lack of routine, unstructured activities, social interactions/skills, etc... And when he is removed from his normal routine, for example just taking off for a school break, all of the skills he has worked on with unstructured activities, social interactions, anxieties, etc.. he regresses on and IEP's don't care about that, they only care about the academic side of things. If they decide he needs to be cut at the end of the year and not transitioning him to kindergarten, the last 2 years of him being in their program are being flushed down the toilet as his birthday is in Sept. meaning he will have to wait another year before he can start, leaving him an entire school year un-enrolled.
I am stressing this meeting like crazy. I am not going unarmed though. I have reports, data sheets, etc... showing how he regresses in all of his therapies when he is not in attendance and I even have one of his therapists going with me to back me but I have heard that these meetings can be ruthless and emotional and often people can end up screaming or crying or going into "bitch-mode". I plan to do the latter and fight teeth and nail for my son and what he needs.
My problem right now is that my husband doesn't seem to care and says what happens happens, "so what if he is off a year from school"... He doesn't seem to grasp how detrimental this could be... Don't take it as he doesn't care about what happens to our son, as many parents know, you often feel helpless and angry and... and you at times just want to throw the towel in and say why bother as you often feel that everything you have done to help your child is pointless because you get pushed back so many times over and over again... And I think that was just how my husband was feeling but we argued about it as he was upset with me for stressing out about the meeting and I said - who knows if he will ever get to take regular classes? If he will get to drive a car? Have a real relationship/get married? Have a job? Or live on his own? We don't know.... And he agreed and tried turning my logic back at me and said who knows and then he got frustrated and said that when he was 18 he was gone even if it meant him living in a home... I snapped!! How fucking dare he say that about our son! I knew it was out of frustration and sadness as you can see it in his face any time he tries to talk to Mikey about video games as that is one things the 2 of them have in common, a love of video games, and Mikey doesn't respond or stares off blankly into his own universe... But I snapped back and said "yes, who knows? That is exactly why I am going to do everything I can now to give him the absolute best chance of having a normal life later" and then I went upstairs and tucked in the kids...
I felt so hurt and so alone. He was supposed to be my backup and supporter in life and here he has given up and turned his back on us....
Here lately its like we are constantly arguing with one another over everything from the kids, to money, to chores... Our anniversary is coming up too in less than a week and the best idea he has come up with is to drive to Cali so he can one of his arcade games while we are there- very romantic! (sarcasm)... Honestly I don't really care right now that its our anniversary as I don't feel like it is that special to him with how he seems to constantly bitch at me about everything.... I thought after our last big fight he would be less like this but apparently things are back to normal and I just can't take it anymore.... I love him and like being with him when he isn't in his moods but lately he seems to be in his moods all the time and I am just done with it... I have brought up doing couples counseling but he refuses saying they they don't help and our problem is communication issues- hello! that is what counseling is for!
I don't know what to do anymore... Maybe I am just emotional due to the pregnancy hormones and its making me more sensitive than normal... Even so, somethings gotta give...
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