Anniversary, Easter, Prayers and Rambling
So I had my anniversary a few weeks ago. It wasn't fancy but it was nice given the circumstances. I got the kids off to school as my husband came home from work. I had to do my MRI and even though I told him to just stay home and sleep as he'd been working all night and he'd just be sitting in the waiting room waiting on me, my husband insisted to go with me for support. Afterwards he let me choose a place for us to eat. I picked a place I wanted to try and despite it being disappointing and over priced and me being completely underdressed in my sweats that I like to wear for MRIs, I still had fun. We came home and played arcade games together, him kicking my ass in all of them, until the kids got home from school and he could no longer stay awake. It wasn't super romantic and fancy but it was fun, it was quality. He supported me by just being there, he made me smile and laugh and feel cherished. I would trade any super fancy date for days like this (minus the needing a MRI). This is what love is. In sickness and in health.... I look forward to more anniversaries to come.
We also celebrated Easter. We don't celebrate it in the religious way as we aren't Christian. We out out baskets for the kids as my youngest still believes and we use the day as an excuse to feast and visit with family and enjoy egg-hunts for candy filled eggs.
When we bought our house years ago, I was so excited that we would get a dining room that we could fit all of our family on both sides in. I claimed Easter to be our holiday to host. I shopped specifically for a long table that could extend so we could fit everyone. We went to so many places until I finally settled on one from ikea. That first Easter I fed 17 people in the dining room at our table. It makes me happy being able to accommodate everyone and have us all together. I grew up with a huge close knit family and being able to have a fraction with 17, together reminded me of my childhood and us all getting together, 30-50 of us....
So we planned to host as usual and it didn't happen like we expected. Including our family of 5, we totaled 8 people this year. Between family going out of state, some working, some sick, some just flaking, some canceling last minute, it was us, my husband's grandmother, my teenage sister-in-law, and her best friend (she and her friend had stayed the night). I cooked for 16 and fed 8. We sent plates home to our sick relatives and spent the week eating leftovers. It was disappointing but at the same time we still had a nice time with who was here. All 5 kids, teenagers included, woke up to Easter baskets that morning, the food was delicious, the kids did an egg hunt and gorged themselves on candy, and we relaxed.
Next year we voted to skip the traditional feast and look into doing a vacation instead. My youngest is insistent to bring her basket though and I do not want to take that magic away yet so the bunny will just have to visit her wherever we go....
I did my blood work yesterday. I was technically supposed to do it around the time I got my MRI but didn't have a chance to. The lab where i live is open only during the hours i work so it's very limiting to coordinate me going. Last week I was going to do it but ended up taking my daughter to the doctor for breathing treatments as her meds expired and we needed refills. The whole excitement of being woken up at 3:30am by your kid having breathing issues and then calling your friend down the street, waking her up to watch your younger two as you can't reach your husband at work, while you take her in, really exhausted me by the time everything was settled and she was checked in late to school with her new inhaler... So I didn't go last week... I don't have my follow up on either my labs or MRI, until Wednesday next week so I'm not worried as there's no way to not get the results before then. I am nervous about the results though. I have had some new symptoms and don't know if it's just a flare or I'm getting worse. I really don't want to have progressed. I'm not ready for that as there's still to much I want to do before I get worse. Getting worse will happen. It's part of this. It's just waiting and wondering for when it'll get worse. I want to delay that as much as I can. I already hate how some people react to me after letting them know. They treat me so differently than before and I don't like it. Before I would have people say I don't know how you do it all, referring to my preschool, my 3 kids, their extracurriculars, Girl Scouts, volunteering wig the nonprofit/library, etc... Now all I get is pitiful "you're in my prayers..." type of bullshit... I'm not dying and I'm still going steady. Yes, I take my breaks and have down days, but I have no plans to stop anytime soon. I understand the positive intentions of prayers are but that's not for my coping, it's for yours and you dealing with the news. Those prayers aren't going to reverse this for me.
I'm just going to go by my grandmothers words; she was one of the strongest women I have ever know "If I slow down, it'll catch up to me..." I'm not slowing down yet if I don't have to. I have too much shit to do....
We also celebrated Easter. We don't celebrate it in the religious way as we aren't Christian. We out out baskets for the kids as my youngest still believes and we use the day as an excuse to feast and visit with family and enjoy egg-hunts for candy filled eggs.
When we bought our house years ago, I was so excited that we would get a dining room that we could fit all of our family on both sides in. I claimed Easter to be our holiday to host. I shopped specifically for a long table that could extend so we could fit everyone. We went to so many places until I finally settled on one from ikea. That first Easter I fed 17 people in the dining room at our table. It makes me happy being able to accommodate everyone and have us all together. I grew up with a huge close knit family and being able to have a fraction with 17, together reminded me of my childhood and us all getting together, 30-50 of us....
So we planned to host as usual and it didn't happen like we expected. Including our family of 5, we totaled 8 people this year. Between family going out of state, some working, some sick, some just flaking, some canceling last minute, it was us, my husband's grandmother, my teenage sister-in-law, and her best friend (she and her friend had stayed the night). I cooked for 16 and fed 8. We sent plates home to our sick relatives and spent the week eating leftovers. It was disappointing but at the same time we still had a nice time with who was here. All 5 kids, teenagers included, woke up to Easter baskets that morning, the food was delicious, the kids did an egg hunt and gorged themselves on candy, and we relaxed.
Next year we voted to skip the traditional feast and look into doing a vacation instead. My youngest is insistent to bring her basket though and I do not want to take that magic away yet so the bunny will just have to visit her wherever we go....
I did my blood work yesterday. I was technically supposed to do it around the time I got my MRI but didn't have a chance to. The lab where i live is open only during the hours i work so it's very limiting to coordinate me going. Last week I was going to do it but ended up taking my daughter to the doctor for breathing treatments as her meds expired and we needed refills. The whole excitement of being woken up at 3:30am by your kid having breathing issues and then calling your friend down the street, waking her up to watch your younger two as you can't reach your husband at work, while you take her in, really exhausted me by the time everything was settled and she was checked in late to school with her new inhaler... So I didn't go last week... I don't have my follow up on either my labs or MRI, until Wednesday next week so I'm not worried as there's no way to not get the results before then. I am nervous about the results though. I have had some new symptoms and don't know if it's just a flare or I'm getting worse. I really don't want to have progressed. I'm not ready for that as there's still to much I want to do before I get worse. Getting worse will happen. It's part of this. It's just waiting and wondering for when it'll get worse. I want to delay that as much as I can. I already hate how some people react to me after letting them know. They treat me so differently than before and I don't like it. Before I would have people say I don't know how you do it all, referring to my preschool, my 3 kids, their extracurriculars, Girl Scouts, volunteering wig the nonprofit/library, etc... Now all I get is pitiful "you're in my prayers..." type of bullshit... I'm not dying and I'm still going steady. Yes, I take my breaks and have down days, but I have no plans to stop anytime soon. I understand the positive intentions of prayers are but that's not for my coping, it's for yours and you dealing with the news. Those prayers aren't going to reverse this for me.
I'm just going to go by my grandmothers words; she was one of the strongest women I have ever know "If I slow down, it'll catch up to me..." I'm not slowing down yet if I don't have to. I have too much shit to do....
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