Summary and the Big New Chapter of Life Handed to Me
I am pretty confident its been at least a year, or few since I have written anything and I know my posts were sporadic even then. Life has complicated itself as of late and it is greatly affecting my mental stability. Not necessarily in the I'm going crazy way but more of my capacity. My husband has encouraged subtly that I start writing again; especially since I came up with an idea for another book. I think this might help me too. Not just to keep my brain strong but to give me an avenue of venting and dealing with my new circumstances. So here is the the summary of what's happened lately in my life plus the big new chapter I have began....
My husband and I are doing great. He is my best friend, my support, and my cheerleader. He constantly reminds me I am capable and pushes me. He spent a year off work after parting ways with a company he worked for 12 years. We lucked out that about a month before their parting, we had refinanced our home, taking advantage of the equity we were sitting on to pay off debts like cars, credits cards, student loans, our oldest daughter's braces, etc.. and even stashed about 6 months of savings away. With the help of his eBay and Amazon sales and limiting extras, we made that 6 months of savings stretch to just over a year- yay! He is back to work now and we are all adjusting to his new crappy hours.
My children have been doing well. I cannot believe how big they are getting and the fact that 2 of my 3 will be middle schoolers next year. I just had an IEP meeting for my youngest with her speech provider, teacher and principal and she is improving and the goals sound on target to continue to help her. They keep me busy between Scout troops, school functions, robotics clubs, etc... but I couldn't be prouder! Now to figure out how to get my youngest to actually clean her room without having to just bag her stuff up and get rid of it (may just doing that anyways at this point)....
SOOOOoooooo that leads me to, well, me.....
I am still running my preschool. I restructured this school year and no longer offer the extended childcare hours during the school year. It was just too much and I was burning out after working 10-12 hour days 5+ days a week since 2011. It was for the best and I find I am much happier now with my new hours. A class in the morning from 8-11am and a class in the afternoon from 12-3pm, only 4 days a week (Wednesdays off). I actually get to see my own children off and home from school as well as have a lunch break! Wahoo! As my xmas, I got a new SUV as my van was just dying on me; radiator in the van literrally crapped out about a week after getting the new vehicle. I am still co-leader of my oldest's girl scout troop, but I resigned from the Neighborhood Service Team (the group of parents behind the scenes who organize everything for all the troops in town). I am an elected board member now for the nonprofit I am part of which supports our local library. I enjoy doing that as I feel I am actually making a bigger contribution to our community and quite frankly, I love books!
Then there's this big new chapter I mentioned...
So for years now I have gone to the doctor complaining of abnormal fatigue and even memory/brain fog issues. It was brushed off as "stress" and then I seemed okay for a while and then a couple of years ago I went again as I was having these issues as well as feeling weak, headaches (and I NEVER got headaches before) and even hot flashes. They did some in depth blood tests checking things like thyroid and what not but all result were normal. Went to an obgyn thinking its hormonal and that I was a super rare case of early menopause, more blood work and even ultrasounds but nothing. She referred me back to a primary care doctor thinking that its not menopause or something related. I went to a new doctor and she runs tests too, some the same and even some more testing hemoglobin and what not, even checking for signs of cancer. Nothing. So the new doctor chalks it up to the effects of "long term stress catching up to" me. A couple of weeks later I am back in the doctor's office as my feet and legs are going numb. Not like when your foot goes to sleep as you sat too long a certain way and cut off the circulation, but like the numbness you feel when you go to the dentist and they numb your mouth and your face/lips feel all fat and poofy. The doctor and I both suspected a pinch nerve especially due to my history of lower back issues. So she refers me to a neurologist to find where the nerve is pinched and what I should do from there. Between calling to schedule and going in to see the specialist less than a couple of weeks later, my abdomen and back also go numb. Apparently this was a MAJOR red flag for the neurologist. She asked me about history and I told her about the issues over the years I have no answer for except "stress," she asked me other questions that I thought were unrelated and she starts running tests. After more blood work, EMGs, MRIs with & without contrast, we have answers.
Apparently I have Multiple Sclerosis, aka MS for short. I was relieved it was a brain tumor making me feel crazy... MS is considered an autoimmune disease where my own immune system attacks my neurological system. Think of your nervous system, you know the part of your body that send the signals from your brain to the rest of your body telling it how to function properly, as a cord. the wire inside your nerves and the outside of the cord, that rubber coating, is what is called myelin. The immune system attacks that myelin. That causes scarring called lesions and that causes the signals to not travel correctly through the nerves (think the immune system is a cat and your nerves are the USB cord and they just chewed all up and now it doesn't work right lol). I was overwhelmed though to say the least. I bawled my eyes out when told. On a positive note, it only affects quality not quantity of life according to everyone. I joined a few support groups for MS on social media and learned that someone I knew had it too which has helped so I don't feel so alone... There are things I *knock on wood* haven't had to deal with yet that so many others do, but its been disheartening learning that 1/3 of people lose their ability to walk or walk without a cane/walker, or many go blind, or have incontinence issues, some become unable to work or even drive, some have paralysis issues... And that's just more major issues. That's not including what I am already dealing with the fatigue, headaches, mental issues with brain fog, memory, attention, issues with numbness, not able to regulate body temperature, etc.. All around it sucks basically. Sucks major.... The doctor started me on medication. I opted for one of the oldest, most conservative meds as it seems to have the least severe possible side affects and unlike other injectibles I won't have to worry about building up antibodies to it. If I go with the more progressive meds, I can do pills but some of their side effects terrify me, like PML which is a potentially fatal viral brain infection. No thank you. So now I have to do injections 3x a week at home. And tomorrow I go for a MRI and hopefully there are no new lesions showing the meds are working...
So now you're pretty caught up....
My husband and I are doing great. He is my best friend, my support, and my cheerleader. He constantly reminds me I am capable and pushes me. He spent a year off work after parting ways with a company he worked for 12 years. We lucked out that about a month before their parting, we had refinanced our home, taking advantage of the equity we were sitting on to pay off debts like cars, credits cards, student loans, our oldest daughter's braces, etc.. and even stashed about 6 months of savings away. With the help of his eBay and Amazon sales and limiting extras, we made that 6 months of savings stretch to just over a year- yay! He is back to work now and we are all adjusting to his new crappy hours.
My children have been doing well. I cannot believe how big they are getting and the fact that 2 of my 3 will be middle schoolers next year. I just had an IEP meeting for my youngest with her speech provider, teacher and principal and she is improving and the goals sound on target to continue to help her. They keep me busy between Scout troops, school functions, robotics clubs, etc... but I couldn't be prouder! Now to figure out how to get my youngest to actually clean her room without having to just bag her stuff up and get rid of it (may just doing that anyways at this point)....
SOOOOoooooo that leads me to, well, me.....
I am still running my preschool. I restructured this school year and no longer offer the extended childcare hours during the school year. It was just too much and I was burning out after working 10-12 hour days 5+ days a week since 2011. It was for the best and I find I am much happier now with my new hours. A class in the morning from 8-11am and a class in the afternoon from 12-3pm, only 4 days a week (Wednesdays off). I actually get to see my own children off and home from school as well as have a lunch break! Wahoo! As my xmas, I got a new SUV as my van was just dying on me; radiator in the van literrally crapped out about a week after getting the new vehicle. I am still co-leader of my oldest's girl scout troop, but I resigned from the Neighborhood Service Team (the group of parents behind the scenes who organize everything for all the troops in town). I am an elected board member now for the nonprofit I am part of which supports our local library. I enjoy doing that as I feel I am actually making a bigger contribution to our community and quite frankly, I love books!
Then there's this big new chapter I mentioned...
So for years now I have gone to the doctor complaining of abnormal fatigue and even memory/brain fog issues. It was brushed off as "stress" and then I seemed okay for a while and then a couple of years ago I went again as I was having these issues as well as feeling weak, headaches (and I NEVER got headaches before) and even hot flashes. They did some in depth blood tests checking things like thyroid and what not but all result were normal. Went to an obgyn thinking its hormonal and that I was a super rare case of early menopause, more blood work and even ultrasounds but nothing. She referred me back to a primary care doctor thinking that its not menopause or something related. I went to a new doctor and she runs tests too, some the same and even some more testing hemoglobin and what not, even checking for signs of cancer. Nothing. So the new doctor chalks it up to the effects of "long term stress catching up to" me. A couple of weeks later I am back in the doctor's office as my feet and legs are going numb. Not like when your foot goes to sleep as you sat too long a certain way and cut off the circulation, but like the numbness you feel when you go to the dentist and they numb your mouth and your face/lips feel all fat and poofy. The doctor and I both suspected a pinch nerve especially due to my history of lower back issues. So she refers me to a neurologist to find where the nerve is pinched and what I should do from there. Between calling to schedule and going in to see the specialist less than a couple of weeks later, my abdomen and back also go numb. Apparently this was a MAJOR red flag for the neurologist. She asked me about history and I told her about the issues over the years I have no answer for except "stress," she asked me other questions that I thought were unrelated and she starts running tests. After more blood work, EMGs, MRIs with & without contrast, we have answers.
Apparently I have Multiple Sclerosis, aka MS for short. I was relieved it was a brain tumor making me feel crazy... MS is considered an autoimmune disease where my own immune system attacks my neurological system. Think of your nervous system, you know the part of your body that send the signals from your brain to the rest of your body telling it how to function properly, as a cord. the wire inside your nerves and the outside of the cord, that rubber coating, is what is called myelin. The immune system attacks that myelin. That causes scarring called lesions and that causes the signals to not travel correctly through the nerves (think the immune system is a cat and your nerves are the USB cord and they just chewed all up and now it doesn't work right lol). I was overwhelmed though to say the least. I bawled my eyes out when told. On a positive note, it only affects quality not quantity of life according to everyone. I joined a few support groups for MS on social media and learned that someone I knew had it too which has helped so I don't feel so alone... There are things I *knock on wood* haven't had to deal with yet that so many others do, but its been disheartening learning that 1/3 of people lose their ability to walk or walk without a cane/walker, or many go blind, or have incontinence issues, some become unable to work or even drive, some have paralysis issues... And that's just more major issues. That's not including what I am already dealing with the fatigue, headaches, mental issues with brain fog, memory, attention, issues with numbness, not able to regulate body temperature, etc.. All around it sucks basically. Sucks major.... The doctor started me on medication. I opted for one of the oldest, most conservative meds as it seems to have the least severe possible side affects and unlike other injectibles I won't have to worry about building up antibodies to it. If I go with the more progressive meds, I can do pills but some of their side effects terrify me, like PML which is a potentially fatal viral brain infection. No thank you. So now I have to do injections 3x a week at home. And tomorrow I go for a MRI and hopefully there are no new lesions showing the meds are working...
So now you're pretty caught up....
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