Advice for my Children
My kids, who are currently a little too young to understand what is going on with the Supreme Court and marriage equality other than the basics of gay people are fighting for their right to marry who it is that they love and are observed on the same equal field as any other straight couple. I have always taught my children that you have no control over who it is that you love and they understand that someone who is gay means that person loves someone who is the same sex. My house hold has always been extremely supportive of marriage equality as we believe Love is Love and sexual orientation is not something you choose, but more like a predisposition like as to what hand you write with. Before my husband and I dated, I even had girl friends. I also have gay family and we have many gay friends. I have seen their struggles and fears when it came to coming out, and I have felt them personally. I know how much of an inner struggle it can be- I once believed I was going to hell for my feelings as I was raised in a religion that is majority against homosexuality. I feared my parents and family learning about my girl friends and being disowned and feared about my friends finding out and rejecting me or treating me different, especially my friends who were girls (just because someone is attracted to the same sex does not mean that they are attracted to everyone of the same sex). But I was fortunate that my mother accepted and even admitted she always suspected and my father eventually came around to me even though we just didn't discuss the topic, I wasn't disowned. My friends who I proudly can say didn't even seem to react or care and life carried on. Over time I dated both guys and girls and eventually met my husband he was the individual that I happen to fall in love with and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
But as the courts are reviewing and deciding whether or not to accept, acknowledge and grant the equal rights (which I am hoping & praying that they do), it got me thinking about what love is and things I want my own children to look for in whoever it is that they fall in love with....
1. You need someone who will cherish you....
Find someone who will cherish you every day. That shows you they care for and about you and your well being. I am not talking about someone who just spoils you all the time with lavish gifts, but someone who will take care of you when you are sick, that will help you with chores and that understands you need your "me time" too and that you deserve those things. Someone that appreciates what you do, that you are part of their life and all of the talents, skills and even quirks that come along with you.
2. Someone who makes you feel desired....
You need to feel desired. Please learn that being desired and wanted is much different than being objectified and wanted to, for lack of a better word, to alleviate their horny-ness. Someone who knows that groping is not romantic and that the hand on your lower mid back is more important that it going below the waist, that coming home to you and giving you a passionate kiss is one of the most powerful ways to show you are desired as you are the one who makes their day better, you are what makes the stresses of life disappear and no one else has that ability but you. That when you walk into a room, you take their breath away.
3. Learn how to flirt and what playful banter is...
When dating you will flirt and be flirted with. Learn that talking dirty is not the same as playful banter. Talking dirty, while can be good (once you are in a committed relationship) is fine once in a while, but objectifies you when you are flirting or dating. To be able to use the skills of a proper innuendo or double entendre not only keeps your brain challenged but shows your intelligence when you flirt and you should never compromise your intelligence just to capture someone else's attention.
Also if I ever catch you doing this before you are 18 you have had it and your future boyfriends/girlfriends need to be aware, your dad has a gun and I have no problem whopping someone's ass who disrespects you.
4. Make sure they are financially responsible....
This doesn't mean they need to rich. By no means are me and your dad rich but it does mean that they know how to budget and that bills and necessities are taken care of before luxuries. That they know the difference between a luxury and necessity. Getting your hair/nails done, a gym membership, tattoos or name brand clothes and expensive cell phones are not impressing anybody when you can't pay your rent/mortgage, buy groceries and the phone company turns your phone off for lack of payment....
5. NEVER stay with anyone who puts a hand on you...
There is NEVER a good reason to stay with someone who hurts you. It doesn't matter is you have kids, it doesn't matter if they were angry or drunk or if they do a giant apology with gifts or if it was just the one time, even if they threaten suicide if you go- you are not responsible for that. NEVER NEVER NEVER stay with someone who hurts you in any way.
6. Be with someone who encourages, supports and challenges you in all that you do....
Don't let someone feel like you can't do something, that you are unable to meet your goals or not smart enough or hold you back. They know how to stand up and take charge when you are in need instead of running away. And they need to act as your own personal cheerleader and push you to try things even if its not an easy task or requires you to open your mind to other points of view and encourages you to speak your mind.
Not only should who you fall in live with show your these qualities, but you should reciprocate and show these qualities to them. Love is about being with the person who brings out the best in you and you bringing out the best in them, when 2 people want to grow together emotionally, physically and intelligently.
What are some things you think should be looked for when dealing with love?
But as the courts are reviewing and deciding whether or not to accept, acknowledge and grant the equal rights (which I am hoping & praying that they do), it got me thinking about what love is and things I want my own children to look for in whoever it is that they fall in love with....
1. You need someone who will cherish you....
Find someone who will cherish you every day. That shows you they care for and about you and your well being. I am not talking about someone who just spoils you all the time with lavish gifts, but someone who will take care of you when you are sick, that will help you with chores and that understands you need your "me time" too and that you deserve those things. Someone that appreciates what you do, that you are part of their life and all of the talents, skills and even quirks that come along with you.
2. Someone who makes you feel desired....
You need to feel desired. Please learn that being desired and wanted is much different than being objectified and wanted to, for lack of a better word, to alleviate their horny-ness. Someone who knows that groping is not romantic and that the hand on your lower mid back is more important that it going below the waist, that coming home to you and giving you a passionate kiss is one of the most powerful ways to show you are desired as you are the one who makes their day better, you are what makes the stresses of life disappear and no one else has that ability but you. That when you walk into a room, you take their breath away.
3. Learn how to flirt and what playful banter is...
When dating you will flirt and be flirted with. Learn that talking dirty is not the same as playful banter. Talking dirty, while can be good (once you are in a committed relationship) is fine once in a while, but objectifies you when you are flirting or dating. To be able to use the skills of a proper innuendo or double entendre not only keeps your brain challenged but shows your intelligence when you flirt and you should never compromise your intelligence just to capture someone else's attention.
Also if I ever catch you doing this before you are 18 you have had it and your future boyfriends/girlfriends need to be aware, your dad has a gun and I have no problem whopping someone's ass who disrespects you.
4. Make sure they are financially responsible....
This doesn't mean they need to rich. By no means are me and your dad rich but it does mean that they know how to budget and that bills and necessities are taken care of before luxuries. That they know the difference between a luxury and necessity. Getting your hair/nails done, a gym membership, tattoos or name brand clothes and expensive cell phones are not impressing anybody when you can't pay your rent/mortgage, buy groceries and the phone company turns your phone off for lack of payment....
5. NEVER stay with anyone who puts a hand on you...
There is NEVER a good reason to stay with someone who hurts you. It doesn't matter is you have kids, it doesn't matter if they were angry or drunk or if they do a giant apology with gifts or if it was just the one time, even if they threaten suicide if you go- you are not responsible for that. NEVER NEVER NEVER stay with someone who hurts you in any way.
6. Be with someone who encourages, supports and challenges you in all that you do....
Don't let someone feel like you can't do something, that you are unable to meet your goals or not smart enough or hold you back. They know how to stand up and take charge when you are in need instead of running away. And they need to act as your own personal cheerleader and push you to try things even if its not an easy task or requires you to open your mind to other points of view and encourages you to speak your mind.
Not only should who you fall in live with show your these qualities, but you should reciprocate and show these qualities to them. Love is about being with the person who brings out the best in you and you bringing out the best in them, when 2 people want to grow together emotionally, physically and intelligently.
What are some things you think should be looked for when dealing with love?
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